Gay Best Friend
by Moo-Quack-Adoo
Summary: Kyles struggling with feelings he holds for his best friend, but what will happen when he finaly confesses? i suck at sumarys. One-Shot. Wrote this for my girlfriends birthday and she said she wanted me to publish it so..yeah. " Theres only one things wrong about being Gay. When your in love with your totally straight and taken best friend. Yeah. That really sucks"


_'I can't word how fuckin shit it is to be in love with your best friend._  
 _I woud know because out of all the crazy shitty crap i've lived through, that is definitely the worst._  
 _Don't get me wrong loving your best friend isn't what sucks. What sucks is that i'm sat here like a fuckin gay ass shit and he's straight and fucking taken._  
 _So I have no chance. And that's what's fucking shit._  
 _I mean no one knows i'm gay. I've never said it and i've never acted it? I only realised like a year ago anyway and honestly being gay doesn't bother me at all. What bothers me is fucking Stan. not that i am fucking stan….in my sad sorry dreams. But he's not gay. I'd fuckin know, the way he talks about fuckin Wendy all the time. I don't know what he sees in her. She's just using him for the status or sex or whatever because he's so fucking head over heels for her no matter how many times she pulls him along._  
 _And every time she fucking does he acts like it's the first time and gets all depressed….I still cant fuckin believe im jealous of fuckin Wendy Testaburger. I mean the way stan will sit in my house and just text her the whole time. It just. It just...I wish it was me, you know?_  
 _But Stan's been my best friend for years and we share everything and i just want to tell him. I do. I know he'd tell me if he was gay but. I can't. The hardest thing is pretending and lying to him._  
 _When he breaks down at late hours of the night when he's alone it kills me I can't help. Or when he does it in person, when were alone. Man. i just want to kiss him and make him smile. But instead I just have to hold him. And wait for him to stop. And try and think about something that isn't him. That every smile doesn't make my heart race or every tear breaks my heart. Every text or phone call or conversation makes my head spin and every time he needs someone i'm right there wishing i could just hold his hand. Or staring into his eyes while he's texting fuckin Testaburger and wishes hed look at me that way._  
 _But I can't. Because i know if he knew, he'd look at me different. He might even shut me out and I just._  
 _I can't lose Stan._  
 _But don't have a choice.'_

It was another shitty snowy day in the middle of september. Christmas lights everywhere and the same overplayed tunes everyone pretends to love playing continuously through every house. I could feel the snow crunch beneath my boots as i walked with my head down.

I hate christmas.

I had Stans gift in my pockets, rolling it between my fingers to make sure it wouldn't fall out. In a week my Parents are moving due to work and we'll leave South Park forever. So I was on my way to Stans. I wanted to spend my last weekend with him.  
As i walked up to his door and rang the bell, everything seemed to go silent. I realised all the curtains were drawn, and the house was silent. All signs of life vacant.

"Stan!" I called. It was a statement more than a question. But i got no response all the same. "Stan?"  
Still nothing.  
"Dude! You need to open this door right now or i'm gonna break in through the window"  
I waited a few moments and then i saw a curtain shuffle. So he was is in.

When he finally opened the door my heart nearly left my chest. Thank fuck it was cold so my cheeks were already red.  
"Hey" it sounded hollow. It was another bad day.  
"Hey" i responded normal. When Stans like this it's best to pretend not to notice. "You gonna let me in or what dude? its freezing."

He shuffled to the side to let me in past him but didn't say a word. I obeyed the unspoken order and came in, sat down on the stairs to remove my boots and hooked my scarf and hat on the banister. Stan was still stood in the doorway, now facing me with the door now closed behind him, looking down at his socks.

"Dude" i stood up and walked over, leaning in to see his face "is everything okay?"

"You...you'd tell me anything right?" he didn't move his gaze  
"You know i would Stan, whats up?"

"Wendy broke up with me last night and Butters told me she's with Kenny now"  
"Dude you need to let her go. You've been on and off for ten years"  
"You wouldn't understand"

I let out a soft sigh and stood up straight again. "What wouldn't i understand?"  
"What it's like to be in love and not being able to do anything about it"

I wanted to say 'i'd know more about it than you' but kept it to myself and instead went with

"Thats a little over dramatic don't you thi-"  
"I'M NOT BEING DRAMATIC KYLE!"  
I seemed to have struck a nerve because he looked up at me as he shouted it, tears building up in his eyes.  
I hate it when he's like this.

There was a moment's silence. I had to get myself together. "Look, okay i get it. But she'll come back to you, okay? you just have to wa-"  
"And what if she doesn't come back?"  
He wasn't shouting anymore. Just crying, tears welling up in his eyes and rolling down his face,. But his eyes were still focussed on me.  
I inhaled a walked over, pulling him in a hug. Wrapping my arms right around his back, with one of my hands on the back of his head. His hair was so soft.  
He moved his arms under mine and up across my back, gripping my shirt as he sobbed. Its fucking awful but i'm glad he was crying so much or he'd hear my heart racing.

"Look stan I know it hurts but I promise you she's going to come around okay. I mean Kenny's hardly her type."  
He didn't move, just continued crying.  
"And. i know you're feeling like you're alone and none understands but...i do know what it feels like to want someone who's out of your reach. Okay. and you're stronger than you think Stan, so I know you're gonna be okay"  
I ruffled his hair a little, it calms him down sometimes.  
"Why" he finally spoke again. His voice was broken and crackled through the tears.  
"I don't know why she keeps-"  
"Why do you have to go?"  
"Because i-"  
"Why do i have to lose you too" it was barely above a whisper, choking on a few words before gripping me tighter. I was speechless. He sounded like an innocent little ten year old.  
"Because that's life stan. It's only a couple of towns over okay. I'll come see you when i can okay. And we can still call and text and play video games and shit yeah?"

We stayed like that for awhile. Stood in his hall hugging as he cried. When he started to loosen his grip i lead him to the living room and sat him on the couch, before going to get him a glass of water. When i came back in I handed him the glass. Before taking a seat on the other side of the three seater couch. We were staring at the blank TV in silence, bar the odd sniffle or sip of water he took.

He was the first to break the silence. "Who is it?"

"Who's what?"

I turned to face him. He was looking back at me and gave me a weak smile. "The girl you like"

"Oh"

It came out before i even thought what to say. Thats all i could manage. I turned away and looked back the the TV. I could feel his eyes boring into me and my cheeks flushed up again. He didn't say another word.

"The thing is."

My heart was up in the my head and banging against my eardrums. Every second took an hour to pass and my throat was dry. "It's not a girl"

I couldn't move my gaze from the telly. I completely froze up.  
But the deafening silence only last a moment.  
"Sorry dude. I didn't know"

I turned to look at him. But he was looking at me just the same as before. "I wanted to tell you man i did but i ju-"  
"Who's the lucky guy?"

I felt my heart freeze "i'm not getting married man im 18-"  
"You know what I mean Ky"  
I did. I did know what he meant but I didn't want to answer. My mind was racing for another comment to prolong it but he beat me to it  
"Tell me who you like"  
It was a demand not a request. I lost my voice and completely froze up  
"Come on dude, Tell me." his voice was back to normal now, which made me happy he wasn't sad anymore. But i wish he was still crying. I don't want to tell him. I needed a distraction.

He put his glass down on the carpet and shuffled over to me. He chuckled and and gave me a nudge before he went on "Dude I don't care if you're not into chicks okay? Now tell me who you like. You know i like Wendy. It's not like it's Cartman. Wait- it isn't Cartman is it? Because that would be to fucking wei-"

Before i knew what was happening i'd sat up straight, turned to face him and pressed our lips together. He felt so cold next to me and his cheeks were damp. But he didn't push me away. Or freeze up. He just kinda took it. And then he was leaning back on the couch and i followed. I don't know why but now i was there i wouldn't let our lips part. I was scared of what would happen if i did. So i was leaning on top of him.

He moved his hands up around my neck before parting his lips and brushing mine with his tongue. I opened mine and let his tongue in. twisting it with mine. His breath was warm . He literally took my breath away.

After a while i parted. I could feel my cheeks burning and i was panting for breath. He was staring up at me but i couldn't read his expression.  
"Stan Marsh" i mumbled.

I finally answered.

He smiled up at me before turning to face the TV.  
"So is that why you came over here, to confess your love before you moved?" he sounded all serious and sulky.  
I tried to laugh it off as i got off him and sat back up. "You wish. But i actually came to give you your Christmas gift before i left."

He looked sad for a moment before he sat up "what did you get me?"  
"Errm….." i let out an awkward laugh "well it's hardly appropriate now. I didn't realise Wendy left you"  
His gaze shifted down for a second before returning to me "we'll what is it?"  
"A condom" i said, pulling it out of my pocket and holding it in front of his face. If my face was any hotter i'd pop like a volcano.  
"Are you taking the piss"  
"Well you know i like budget gifts" i added dropping it onto his lap and returning my hand to my pocket.  
I was going to vomit my heart up i swear. My gaze was back at the TV, wishing it was on to break the awkward tension. But Stan broke the silence yet again.  
"You know" i turned to face stan again "i never i didn't like guys as well"

And that time.  
He leaned into me.


End file.
